Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
