I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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