I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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