Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
