i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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