I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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