the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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