i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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