alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
