You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
