Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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