I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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