Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
