I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
