We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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