Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
