using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
