I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
