The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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