i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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