I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
