the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
