dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
soo... how was my night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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