Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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