I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
