matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
