i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
