Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
did you just send me my own nude
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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