i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok