There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine