I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
