Pants 0. Shit 1.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.