So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.