It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.