we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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