I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
