My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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