Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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