girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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