Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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