I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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