Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
