if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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