you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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