when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
