He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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