Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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