matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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