either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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