Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
