So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
