maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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