I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
last night I used snow as a chaser
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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