OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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