I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
