I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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