he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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