Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
