Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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