I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
