I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
