I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize