there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
