I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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